Angry, pissed, simply tired of the bullshit.

This is going to be a short update, so don't worry about slogging through madness. I realized what I really, truly am tired of not five seconds ago: bullshit. Unbridled, hypocritical self-righteous bullshit. Reading my roommate/former friend's paper for school, which he saved to my computer for whatever reason, observing how full of masturbatory quoting and adolescent self-indulgence it is, after dealing with his whining and narcissism this past weekend, I realized that I'm just simply fed up. He and so many others like him have such a hard on for themselves, these sort who wear "self-expressive" bullshit shirts bearing pseudo-intellectual business such as "Think: It's not Illegal Yet" give me fits. If he truly acted on it, if he went out of his way to work for a better world, I could except it. Instead all he does is whine and quote the same four books he's read in his lifetime, criticizing absolutely everyone else then performing the very acts he's so angry at them for. Of course, he never admits to being such a bastard; he has an excuse for everything and a story of victimization to paint him as the misunderstood outsider hated by everyone. Fuck him, fuck him and his self-pitying masturbation, his "attack" against the system that's really nothing more than poorly thought out adolescent rebellion left over from his high-school days.

It's the same from everyone else, though; that, or hopeless resignation in some form or another. The more I question the more I do not think any solution for this world lies in the immediate physical acts of man. I have to believe that there's another source out there, another method greater than all of this dross, all of our petty arguments, our social revolutions and even the attempted "cultural" revolutions, should such a thing even exist. The only true method that sounds believable to me is a change in mindset for everyone, no one should be exempt at all, but that's impossible, or so absurdly difficult to achieve as to be so. If it is such, then maybe the only method is some beyond human experience, what everyone in their mother has referred to as "magic". But I don't mean Harry Potter, Dungeons and Dragons bullshit. What I'm focused on is school that Aleister Crowley and his ilk, what Grant Morrison and Allan Moore dabble in. Maybe there's an answer there, a way to bend this world, to melt it down and reshape it. Ugh; or maybe I'll just be Son of Sam and devolve mentally to the point that I believe myself a holy angel and simply start murdering those deemed "unworthy". That would put me in the self-righteous monster category, though, and I really, really don't want to touch that.